The Curious Case of Benjamin Roethlisberger

Written by Josh Katz Tuesday, 16 March 2010 08:39

When you think of the Pittsburgh Steelers, you think of class, dignity, the Rooney Rule and numerous Super Bowl Championships. A Blue Collar city with shitty food, frosty winters and people with goofy accents. The Steelers are a much-respected NFL Franchise, right at the top with the Patriots (sans cheating), Bears (sans being awful) and Giants (sans Plaxico cheddar-bobbing himself). But now when I think of Pittsburgh, I think of the god-awful Pirates, Sidney Crosby breaking the hearts of Americans with a cheap goal in overtime and mostly Big Ben raping chicks without penalty. Big Ben is quickly wearing out his welcome in the hearts of all those who supported the Miami of Ohio Quarterback and has done everything in his power to make Steelers fans put their hands on their head and say 'WHY???'

It is not clear when exactly Big Ben stopped giving a crap about anyone but himself, but it is clear that he does not anymore. This timeline of idiocy and douchary began back in 2006 with his much publicized motorcycle incident. First and foremost, I use the South Park rule when it comes to people who ride motorcycles. They are the worst people. The motorcycle merely perpetuates the rider’s loud and obnoxious behavior, and this coming from a kid from Long Island. After taking the Steelers to the ship in the worst Super Bowl ever played against Seattle, Ben went for a joy ride sans helmet and crashed his bike into everything except the Heinz sign at the stadium. Hey, if Ben wants to ride a motorcycle, go crazy dude. But do yourself a favor and wear a helmet. After Kellen Winslow and Duke’s Jay Williams nearly died doing the same shit, you may want to strap it up. Instead of saying he was sorry, Ben stated, “You feel more free without a helmet.” Idiot. You get paid millions to play pro football buddy, your head is your best friend.

Now on to the raping(s). Look, I understand that football players get laid. In fact all athletes get laid, its part of the territory of being famous. Look at Wilt Chamberlain. Women throw themselves at anything with a jersey; it doesn’t matter if you’re Lebron James or you’re a reject from the D-League. But there is difference between quietly sexing women and destroying your career because of ineptitude. The Lake Tahoe incident of 2008 featured Big Ben sexually assaulting a chick at a celebrity golf tournament. Now I am not sure whether or not it was consensual, but the bottom line is Ben should keep his snake is his cage when in doubt. In my experience, women are crazy. Ben should’ve known that he may find himself in hot water. If this chick fabricated the story, then shame on her. But the second incident in Georgia gives little credibility to Ben’s side of the story. Recently in Milledgeville, Georgia, Ben was accused again of sexually assaulting another young woman in a night club. The investigation is still pending, but this has to worry Steeler fans and Big Ben fans all over the country. But the real investigation should be into why Ben is such a bloody jackass. He better shape up quickly or he’ll be in the CFL faster than you can say “Argonaut.”