I must concur with my colleague below.  The NFL draft is like the hot annoying chick your buddy brings to guys’ night out. (yes, ladies we have them too.  Sometimes ya just wanna dance…)  She has no place here.  You certainly don’t want to encourage her presence with added attention; God knows she already gets enough of that wherever else she goes.  This is guys night dammit.  And yet, you’re intrigued.  You just can’t bring yourself to ignore this seductive siren, no matter how long it’s been since you’ve caught up with your old buddies. 

This is baseball season dammit, an old friend come home after a long absence.  And yet, here is the NFL draft with all of its unwarranted hype and fanfare.   We surely can’t positively reinforce this type of intrusive behavior, and yet, can you really help but tune in?  It’s like that instinctive male compulsion to attend to all things football, however overblown and annoying they may be.  So, for better or worse, I will be watching tonight’s draft and switching back and forth with the Sox game.  After all, it is baseball season....

That being said, tonight is the 75th anniversary of the NFL Draft, and what better way to celebrate the occasion than to kick off our 10-part Greatest Draft Classes of the Modern Era (since the 1970 merger).  The 20 players below are ranked not only on their level of professional service, but the value that can be derived from where in the draft they were selected. 

We begin with the incomparable '83 draft, the year of the quarterback.   In sixteen years that followed, the AFC was represented in the Super Bowl by a quarterback from this draft a staggering eleven times. (They would go on to win a mere two of them)  Still, 1983 was positively ridiculous for filling out the ranks of the NFL with top notch talent.  See:

1. With the 27th pick, the Miami Dolphins select Dan Marino, Quarterback.  (Pittsburgh)
2. With the 1st pick, the Baltimore Colts (rights later traded to Denver) select John Elway, Quarterback.  (Stanford)
3. With the 2nd pick, the Los Angeles Rams (from Houston through Seattle) select Eric Dickerson, Running Back (Southern Methodist)
4. With the 14th pick, the Buffalo Bills (from Cleveland) select Jim Kelly, Quarterback (Miami, FL)
5. With the 28th pick, the Washington Redskins select Darrell Green, Cornerback (Texas A&M University)
6. With the 9th pick, the Houston Oilers (from Seattle) select Bruce Matthews,  Offensive Line (USC)
7. With the 310th pick, the Denver Broncos select Karl Mecklenburg, Linebacker (Minnesota)
8. With the 186th pick, the Minnesota Vikings select Carl Lee, Defensive back (Marshall)
9. With the 223 Miami Dolphins select Mark Clayton, Wide receiver (Louisville)
10. With the 203rd pick, the Chicago Bears select Richard Dent, Defensive end (Tennessee State)
11. With the 19th pick, the Minnesota Vikings select Joey Browner, Defensive Back (USC)
12. With the 167th pick, the Miami Dolphins select Reggie Roby, Punter (Iowa)
13. With the 3rd pick, the Seattle Seahawks (from Los Angeles Rams) select Curt Warner, Running Back (Penn State)
14. With the 4th pick, the Denver Broncos(rights traded to Baltimore) select Chris Hinton, Guard (Northwestern)
15. With the 6th pick, the Chicago Bears select Jim Covert, Offensive Line (Pittsburgh)
16. With the 22nd pick, the San Diego Chargers (from San Diego through San Francisco) select Gill Byrd, Cornerback (San Jose State)
17. With the 24th pick, the New York Jets select Ken O'Brien, Quarterback (UC Davis)
18. With the 26th pick, the Los Angeles Raiders select Don Mosebar, Offensive Line (USC)
19. With the 32nd pick, the Los Angeles Rams select Henry Ellard, Wide Receiver (Fresno State)
20. With the 37th pick, the New York Giants select Leonard Marshall, Defensive Tackle (Louisiana State)

Are you ready for some football? No. No I am not. It’s April. It’s baseball season dammit, and the way ESPN is shoving the 2010 “Prime Time” NFL Draft down our throats, you’d swear the season starts next week. Now I love football, do not get me wrong here. Even after a disgusting 2009 season for the New York Football Giants, I look forward to that first article in August about mini camp, a couple of Forrest Gump-like sound bites from Eli Manning and pondering whether or not to drop a hundred dollars on a swing-man jersey of a player who probably won’t produce. But like I said, it’s baseball season, the start of the NBA and NHL playoffs, and all you can find on ESPN these days is the insufferable Todd McShay and Mel Kiper Jr’s hairdoo discussing whether or not the Browns will trade up for Sam Bradford, Jimmy Clausen’s three-step drop and yada yada yada. All of this draft coverage has turned me off big time to the NFL. Let’s face it, is there ANYONE in this year’s draft that gets you excited? Anyone who is going to be a sure-fire stud? I just don’t see it. I mean do you care where Colt McCoy is going to play and if he changes his “Texas Twang” in the huddle? Nope. Is anyone ready to go out and buy a Dez Bryant jersey on Thursday night? Nope. Honestly, just suspend Rapelisberger, show me the schedule and let’s get on to bigger and better things, like the AL east race, NHL overtime games and Kevin Garnett power bombing anyone who tries to snag a rebound over him. Because right now, I’d rather watch Mets/Cubs or Monday Night Raw then hear another analysis of Tim Tebow’s throwing motion. Wake me up in August, Mr. Goodell.

Unless you’ve been hiding in the same cave as Osama Bin Laden lately, you are fully aware that Donovan McNabb was dealt to the Washington Dead Skins on Easter Sunday for a bag of practice balls and a stack of free cheese steak coupons. And if you’re in that cave, you’re probably a threat to the United States of America. As a New York Football Giants fan, I was stunned to hear this news, as I am sure most of the NFL community was.  For the past decade, Donovan McNabb has been synonymous with Philadelphia Eagles culture until he was cast away like Tom Hanks. He has given NFC foes headaches and night terrors with his mobility, poise and confidence. (See Below)

• One Super Bowl trip (kudos to New England)
• Four NFC Championship appearances
• Numerous NFC East crowns
• Six-time Pro-Bowler
• 2004 NFC Offensive Player of the Year
• 216 career touches to 100 career INTs
• Over 32,000 career passing yards
• 86.5 career QB rating
• All sorts of Syracuse University records
• A partridge and a pear tree

Sure, McNabb has had his ups and downs during his tenure in the City of Brotherly Love. He’s been oft injured as of late, criticized for changing his style of play (ask Rush Limbaugh), and destroyed for being unable to raise the Lombardi trophy. But in a league where greatness and continuity do not come along very much, he has been solid as a rock in a city that demands the most from its athletes. Having said that, it is common knowledge that Philadelphia fans are, for lack of a better term, a tough crowd to please. It is my opinion that the same fans that threw snowballs at Santa Claus, chanted “Let’s Go Eagles” at Phillies games and hurled batteries at Clinton Portis’ mother are the same blue-collar numb-skulls that ran Donovan McNabb out of town. I argue this sports fans: the city of Philadelphia made this trade, not Andy Reid or Jeffrey Lurie.



Now I understand that it may have been time for a change. Hell, I voted for Barack, so I get the idea of a fresh start. But it’s not the idea that the Birds traded the 33-year-old McNabb to begin a new era, but that they traded him within the division, to a bitter rival. It was as if to say, “Donovan, you have nothing left. You’re past your prime, so we have no problem lining up to play you – twice in a season, not including potential playoff matchups.” It appears that all the calls in to Philly sports radio and columns in the Philly tabloids finally ushered upper management to trade Donovan to Landover, Maryland. Oh, will they rue the day. Because now McNabb will be playing with something he hasn’t been playing with for a while -- a large chip on his broad shoulders. The same shoulders that carried the City of Philadelphia when no one else would. The same shoulders that dealt with Terrell Owens. The shoulders that took a pounding year after year from solid Cowboy and Giants teams. Lord knows I am no Redskins fan, but I personally hope the boys from DC pummel the Eagles when they play the Eagles. I hope McNabb throws for 450 yards, 4 touches and a perfect passer rating while Kevin “corn on the” Kolb goes 3-22 with 4 picks. Philadelphia fans should stick to what they know: Chase Utley, soft pretzels and Yuengling on tap. NOT trading away the franchise QB who made them relevant for so many years. So Donovan, pack up you Campbell’s chunky soup and strap on that red and yellow helmet. I hope that it’s the most comfortable helmet you’ve worn in a while.

When you think of the Pittsburgh Steelers, you think of class, dignity, the Rooney Rule and numerous Super Bowl Championships. A Blue Collar city with shitty food, frosty winters and people with goofy accents. The Steelers are a much-respected NFL Franchise, right at the top with the Patriots (sans cheating), Bears (sans being awful) and Giants (sans Plaxico cheddar-bobbing himself). But now when I think of Pittsburgh, I think of the god-awful Pirates, Sidney Crosby breaking the hearts of Americans with a cheap goal in overtime and mostly Big Ben raping chicks without penalty. Big Ben is quickly wearing out his welcome in the hearts of all those who supported the Miami of Ohio Quarterback and has done everything in his power to make Steelers fans put their hands on their head and say 'WHY???'

It is not clear when exactly Big Ben stopped giving a crap about anyone but himself, but it is clear that he does not anymore. This timeline of idiocy and douchary began back in 2006 with his much publicized motorcycle incident. First and foremost, I use the South Park rule when it comes to people who ride motorcycles. They are the worst people. The motorcycle merely perpetuates the rider’s loud and obnoxious behavior, and this coming from a kid from Long Island. After taking the Steelers to the ship in the worst Super Bowl ever played against Seattle, Ben went for a joy ride sans helmet and crashed his bike into everything except the Heinz sign at the stadium. Hey, if Ben wants to ride a motorcycle, go crazy dude. But do yourself a favor and wear a helmet. After Kellen Winslow and Duke’s Jay Williams nearly died doing the same shit, you may want to strap it up. Instead of saying he was sorry, Ben stated, “You feel more free without a helmet.” Idiot. You get paid millions to play pro football buddy, your head is your best friend.

Now on to the raping(s). Look, I understand that football players get laid. In fact all athletes get laid, its part of the territory of being famous. Look at Wilt Chamberlain. Women throw themselves at anything with a jersey; it doesn’t matter if you’re Lebron James or you’re a reject from the D-League. But there is difference between quietly sexing women and destroying your career because of ineptitude. The Lake Tahoe incident of 2008 featured Big Ben sexually assaulting a chick at a celebrity golf tournament. Now I am not sure whether or not it was consensual, but the bottom line is Ben should keep his snake is his cage when in doubt. In my experience, women are crazy. Ben should’ve known that he may find himself in hot water. If this chick fabricated the story, then shame on her. But the second incident in Georgia gives little credibility to Ben’s side of the story. Recently in Milledgeville, Georgia, Ben was accused again of sexually assaulting another young woman in a night club. The investigation is still pending, but this has to worry Steeler fans and Big Ben fans all over the country. But the real investigation should be into why Ben is such a bloody jackass. He better shape up quickly or he’ll be in the CFL faster than you can say “Argonaut.”

1) Doritos- Little Black Kid

2) LeBron v Superman

3) E*Trade- Gotta Love the Babies

4) Doritos- Snack Samurai

5) Bud Light- Autotune ft. T-Pain

6) Career Builder- Dudes in Underwear

7) Bud Light- Lost Spoof

8) Teleflora- "Don't Touch Me"

9) Boost Mobile- The Boost Mobile Shuffle

10) Bud Light- Light House

PS: How much are we guessing CBS paid The Who to play 'Who Are You' in their set?  And how sad is that the second that song started, almost everyone in the room immediately thought "Oh, its the CSI song"?

PPS: How 'Favre' is it that that little shit would try to bogart all the attention that should be on Peyton and Brees with yet another "I can't decide whether or not I want to retire, how adorable am I?" commercial?  Ugh!

PPPS: WHO DAT? WHO DAT? WHO DAT SAY DEY GONNA BEAT DEM SAINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Absolute MUST READ piece on the true story of the life and crimes of Marvin Harrison, former "squeaky-clean" hall-of-fame receiver for the Indianapolis Colts.  This will blow your mind....

The Dirtiest Player
By Jason Fagone
GQ
February 2010 Issue

"...Nixon was across the street and thirty yards away when [Marvin] Harrison started shooting. Pop pop pop pop pop pop—a great staccato gust of bullets. Steadily, Nixon says, Harrison unloaded both guns into the fat man's car, stippling the red Toyota Tundra with bullet holes as the fat man ducked in his seat. Eventually, the fat man sat up and sped off, heading straight toward Nixon's position as Harrison darted into the street and continued to shoot....

"...On September 3, 1991, when Marvin Woods [Harrison's half-brother] was 17, he was playing in the championship game of a schoolyard hoops league when his coach took him out of the game, subbing in another boy. Woods got angry. He left the game. When he rode back on his bike, twenty minutes later, he was carrying a Tec-9. He sprayed his substitute with bullets, killing him, and rode off. Marvin Woods is currently serving a life sentence for first-degree murder at the State Correctional Institution in Dallas, Pennsylvania. ..."

READ FULL ARTICLE HERE

--The BCS National Championship Game rotates among the sites of the BCS bowls.  The title sponsor of the BCS National Championship Game each year will be the same as that of the bowl game in that year's host location.
--The game was first played at the conclusion of the 1998 college football season in accordance with the agreement reached by the Big Ten and Pac-10 conferences and the Rose Bowl Game to join the members of the former "Bowl Alliance" to create the Bowl Championship Series. The Bowl Alliance and its predecessor, the Bowl Coalition, featured championship games from 1992 through 1997. However, these were hindered by the lack of potential participation by the champions of the Big Ten or Pac-10.
--The game was initially rotated among the four participating bowl games, the (Rose Bowl, Orange Bowl, Fiesta Bowl, and Sugar Bowl). However, beginning with the 2006 season, the BCS National Championship Game became a separate event played at the same site as a host bowl a week following New Year's Day.
--Results:
January 4, 1999  Tennessee (SEC) 23 Florida State (ACC) 16
January 4, 2000  Florida State (ACC) 46 Virginia Tech (Big East) 29
January 3, 2001  Oklahoma (Big 12) 13 Florida State (ACC) 2
January 3, 2002  Miami (Big East) 37 Nebraska (Big 12) 14
January 3, 2003  Ohio State (Big Ten) 31 Miami (Big East) 24
January 4, 2004  LSU (SEC) 21  Oklahoma (Big 12) 14
January 4, 2005  USC (Pac-10) 55  Oklahoma (Big 12) 19
January 8, 2007  Florida (SEC) 41  Ohio State (Big Ten) 14
January 7, 2008  LSU (SEC) 38  Ohio State (Big Ten) 24
January 8, 2009  Florida (SEC) 24  Oklahoma (Big 12) 14
January 7, 2010 Alabama (SEC) vs. Texas (Big 12)

--The GMAC Bowl has been played annually at Ladd Peebles Stadium in Mobile, Alabama since 1999.
--From 1999 to 2009, it pitted a Conference USA team against a team from either the Mid-American Conference or the Western Athletic Conference.
--For the game to be played in 2010 the ACC was to participate in the bowl as its ninth bowl tie-in, replacing the Humanitarian Bowl in Boise, Idaho, in the conference's postseason lineup, but the ACC failed to have sufficient bowl-eligible teams to fill the slot. The Mid-American Conference is the other conference tie-in.
--The game was previously known as the Mobile Alabama Bowl from 1999 to 2000 until it received corporate sponsorship from GMAC Financial Services, formerly a unit of General Motors.
--The 2001 game between the Marshall Thundering Herd and East Carolina Pirates set the record as the highest scoring bowl game of all time, and Marshall achieved what was then the greatest scoring comeback in Bowl history. In this contest, Marshall battled back from a 38–8 deficit to win 64–61 in double overtime. Thundering Herd quarterback Byron Leftwich threw for 576 yards in the game.
--Results:
December 22, 1999 TCU 28 East Carolina 14
December 20, 2000 Southern Miss 28 TCU 21
December 19, 2001 Marshall 64 East Carolina 61 (2 OT)
December 18, 2002 Marshall 38 Louisville 15
December 18, 2003 Miami (OH) 49 Louisville 28
December 22, 2004 Bowling Green 52 Memphis 35
December 21, 2005 Toledo 45 UTEP 13
January 7, 2007 Southern Miss 28 Ohio 7
January 6, 2008 Tulsa 63 Bowling Green 7
January 6, 2009 Tulsa 45 Ball State 13
January 6, 2010 Troy vs. Central Michigan

--The Orange Bowl is played at LandShark Stadium in Miami Gardens, Florida.
--FedEx has been the sponsor since 1989. 
--The Orange Bowl has been played annually since 1935.
--In 1932, George Hussey organized the first Palm Festival Game, predecessor of the Orange Bowl. With Miami suffering from both the Great Depression and the Florida land bust, Hussey and others sought to help its economy by organizing a game similar to Pasadena's Rose Bowl.  Following the success of these games, backers organized another game for New Year's Day 1935 under the Orange Bowl name.
--The Orange Bowl is the fourth-oldest bowl game in the country, behind the Rose Bowl, the Sun Bowl, and the Sugar Bowl.
--The Orange Bowl hosted the BCS National Championship Game in 2001 and 2005.
--Since 2007 the Orange Bowl has been host to the ACC champion unless they are involved in the national championship game.
--Results
January 1, 1935 Bucknell 26 Miami (FL) 0
January 1, 1936 Catholic University 20 Mississippi 19
January 1, 1937 Duquesne 13 Mississippi State 12
January 1, 1938 Auburn 6 Michigan State 0
January 2, 1939 Tennessee 17 Oklahoma 0
January 1, 1940 Georgia Tech 21 Missouri 7
January 1, 1941 Mississippi State 14 Georgetown 7
January 1, 1942 Georgia 40 TCU 26
January 1, 1943 Alabama 37 Boston College 21
January 1, 1944 LSU 19 Texas A&M 14
January 1, 1945 Tulsa 26 Georgia Tech 12
January 1, 1946 Miami (FL) 13 Holy Cross 6
January 1, 1947 Rice 8 Tennessee 0
January 1, 1948 Georgia Tech 20 Kansas 14
January 1, 1949 Texas 41 Georgia 28
January 2, 1950 Santa Clara 21 Kentucky 13
January 1, 1951 Clemson 15 Miami(FL) 14
January 1, 1952 Georgia Tech 17 Baylor 14
January 1, 1953 Alabama 61 Syracuse 6
January 1, 1954 Oklahoma 7 Maryland 0
January 1, 1955 Duke 34 Nebraska 7
January 2, 1956 Oklahoma 20 Maryland 6
January 1, 1957 Colorado 27 Clemson 21
January 1, 1958 Oklahoma 48 Duke 21
January 1, 1959 Oklahoma 21 Syracuse 6

--The Fiesta Bowl is played annually at the University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona.
--Between its origination in 1971 and 2006, the game was hosted in Tempe, Arizona at Sun Devil Stadium.
--The Fiesta Bowl was born from the WAC's frustrated attempts to obtain bowl invitations for its champions.
--On January 1, 2007, the undefeated Boise State Broncos won by defeating the Oklahoma Sooners 43–42 in overtime. It has been called one of the greatest college football games ever played, due to the combination of an underdog team, trick plays, comebacks by each team and a thrilling overtime finish.
--In 1998, the Fiesta Bowl became part of the BCS.
--The 2010 Fiesta Bowl matchup of  #4 TCU against #6 Boise State is the first time two undefeated teams will face each other in a BCS game outside of the National Championship.
--Results:
December 27, 1971 Arizona State 45 Florida State 38
December 23, 1972 Arizona State 49 Missouri 35
December 21, 1973 Arizona State 28 Pittsburgh 7
December 28, 1974 Oklahoma State 16 BYU 6
December 26, 1975 Arizona State 17 Nebraska 14
December 25, 1976 Oklahoma 41 Wyoming 7
December 25, 1977 Penn State 42 Arizona State 30
December 25, 1978 Arkansas 10 UCLA 10
December 25, 1979 Pittsburgh 16 Arizona 10
December 26, 1980 Penn State 31 Ohio State 19
January 1, 1982 Penn State 26 Southern California 10
January 1, 1983 Arizona State 32 Oklahoma 21
January 2, 1984 Ohio State 28 Pittsburgh 23
January 1, 1985 UCLA 39 Miami 37
January 1, 1986 Michigan 27 Nebraska 23
January 2, 1987 Penn State 14 Miami 10
January 1, 1988 Florida State 31 Nebraska 28
January 2, 1989 Notre Dame 34 West Virginia 21
January 1, 1990 Florida State 41 Nebraska 17
January 1, 1991 Louisville 34 Alabama 7
January 1, 1992 Penn State 42 Tennessee 17
January 1, 1993 Syracuse 26 Colorado 22
January 1, 1994 Arizona 29 Miami 0
January 2, 1995 Colorado 41 Notre Dame 24
January 2, 1996 Nebraska 62 Florida 24
January 1, 1997 Penn State 38 Texas 15
December 31, 1997 Kansas State 35 Syracuse 18
January 4, 1999 Tennessee 23 Florida State 16 (National Championship)
January 2, 2000 Nebraska 31 Tennessee 21
January 1, 2001 Oregon State 41 Notre Dame 9
January 1, 2002 Oregon 38 Colorado 16
January 3, 2003 Ohio State 31 Miami 24 (2 OT) (National Championship)
January 2, 2004 Ohio State 35 Kansas State 28
January 1, 2005 Utah 35 Pittsburgh 7
January 2, 2006 Ohio State 34 Notre Dame 20
January 1, 2007 Boise State 43 Oklahoma 42 (OT)
January 2, 2008 West Virginia 48 Oklahoma 28
January 5, 2009 Texas 24 Ohio State 21
January 4, 2010 TCU vs. Boise State