Basketball

Hey Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes. Last week I hailed Kobe Bryant, right here at the Dose as being immortal in big moments. Kobe has hit his fair share of buzzer beaters and has made a career of carving up defenses like a holiday ham. The dude has a near handful of NBA titles, has tasted MVP honors and has been killing it in LaLa land since he arrived back in the 90’s. But Kobe also exemplifies what it means to act like a Private School girl when things don’t exactly go his way. He is like the 17-year-old girl who gets a Mercedes Benz as her first car, but throws a temper tantrum because of the leather interior getting too hot in the summer. Based on his accomplishments, it’s hard to pretend like I wouldn’t want young Kobe on my team. Honestly, I’d trade my entire squad for Kobe. But go ahead and try to find me a more unlikeable, self-centered, me-first guy who has the league by the balls. Here, let me show you why Kobe is about as cool as Hitler, broken down into three separate ego’s.

Kobe, The Face
Kobe has perfected the “trade me if we lose” face in Purple and Gold. It feels like every time the Lakers lose, Kobe gets on his iPhone and calls his agent to see what the NBA trade market is like. Never mind the fiasco that he pulled several years ago asking out of Los Angeles on a radio show, pretending like he didn’t say it and then getting booed on his home floor for it. That shit never happened to Jeter. The City of Angels has embraced Kobe and treated him like he has the cure for AIDS, and Kobe re-pays the people of the Staples Center by trying to bounce like a super ball. Thanks Kobe. Oh and the look doesn’t stop there. God forbid a Lakers teammate misses a free throw, turns the ball over or commits a foul. I am 98% sure Kobe has a voodoo doll for everyone on the Lakers. Play perfect or else, Luke Walton.

Kobe, The Alienator
Phil Jackson? Check. Shaq? Check. Andrew Bynum? Almost. I didn’t know that Kobe was a GM!? Everyone can agree that Kobe forced Shaq-Fu out of town, as if Shaq’s Hall-of-Fame ways weren’t the reason the Lakers won the way they did. Phil Jackson hated Kobe for a bit, so he cleared out so he could meditate and come back and win again. Kobe tried hard to ship Andrew Bynum out of town, but the Lakers brass put their foot down to prevent Kobe the GM from trading away an 18-year-old Phenom who hasn’t even began to peak yet. At least we know what Kobe won’t be doing after he leaves Basketball behind.

Kobe, The Sexual Deviant
Ah yes, the Denver debacle. What a family man. Everyone seems to forget that Kobe at the very minimum cheated on his wife and got himself wrapped up in a Sex Crime mid-season. Now who knows whether or not Kobe raped that poor girl, but Kobe became a leading member of the Tiger Woods/Steve Phillips/Roger Clemens/Barry Bonds “Athletes who Cheat” club at such a young age. Golly, I am impressed. Stay Classy, number 24. Kobe still hears it every time he touches the ball at the Pepsi Center, and probably will until his career ends. You don’t see Melo pulling that shit.

Now I know I am being harsh. Kobe is a lights out performer who has more than a fair chance to retire a top-five player. He is in my top five of players I’ve seen, hands down. But Kobe becomes more unlikeable with every dribble. With every sour look he gives his teammates. With his growing arrogant sense of entitlement. With every voodoo doll he creates. So count your rings Kobe, but remember that you never gave Shaq an answer of how his ass tastes.

      With the trade deadline having come and gone, only one thing is certain: The Cavaliers and Mavericks owe Gilbert Arenas at least one fruit basket. Had he not foolishly followed Plaxico Burress’s example, the Wizards would not have scrapped their whole team and traded Caron Butler and Brendan Haywood to the Mavericks and shipped off Antawn Jamison to the Cavs for a chance to buyout Big Z’s contract. With roughly 20 games left on the schedule it’s time for the elite teams to distance themselves (Orlando, Cleveland, Los Angelos, Denver, and Dallas) while the contenders get themselves ready for a playoff push (Boston, Atlanta, Utah, and Phoenix). In the end, I have Cleveland over Orlando in the east and Dallas over LA in the west with Lebron taking home his first finals MVP to go along with his second regular season MVP.  Here are some other things to think about during the last month of the season:

• Is there a player in the league more under the radar than Brook Lopez? Maybe there is a little bias here because of my Nets fandom (ok, maybe a lot of bias) but this guy is in his second year in the league and has one of the most complete post games in the NBA. Mark my word, this man will be a main-stay in the league for years to come. Brook Lopez on the Nets is like Adam Sandler in Billy Madison. One superstar looking great around a bunch of talent-less kids. It’s only a matter of time before Lopez decides to grow up and move on to high school.
• I think we’ve finally hit the point where Kevin Durant is clearly an elite scorer in the NBA. If I need a basket, he is definitely in the top 5 of players I would want shooting. My list looks like this in no particular order: Kobe, Lebron, Durant, Carmelo, and D-Wade. One more year and the Kobe vs. Lebron debate will shift to a Lebron vs Durant debate.
• While on the issue of Kobe vs. Lebron, the conversation is over. After seeing how the Lakers played with Kobe icing his ankle, it is clear that Kobe’s MVP days are behind him. If you take Lebron off the Cavs, they are a bottom feeder in the East. I guess we can just wait until next year when King James takes his throne in Manhattan to see just how much he meant to that Cavaliers team.
• Watching that Ohio State team from a couple years ago, did anyone think, “Mike Conley will turn into a much better pro than Greg Oden”? Well, it appears that this is the reality we are living in.
• Tracy McGrady on the Knicks is like Mickey Rourke being cast in “The Wrestler”.  T-Mac needed a team where he can showcase his talent to a wide audience. On the Knickerbockers, he can now shoot freely and create offensively while caring less about defense than the ’99 St Louis Rams. Let’s not forget that the Knicks aren’t concerned with winning until next year and bam! Perfect fit for a McGrady comeback.  
• Steve Nash is one of the funniest men in basketball. Need proof? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdNiXidfLcc

For those of you that feel sorry for me for being a Nets fan, don’t. The longer it takes them to get to that magic win number 9, the longer I remain interested in watching the games. I’d rather flirt with loser history than watch another meaningless Knicks or Pacers game.

For our second installment of the greatest NBA Draft classes of all-time, its 2003, a class that will continue to own the game for years to come.  Here are the top 10 value picks:

1)    LeBron James—St. Vincent-St. Mary High School to the Cavaliers (1)—Fifteen years from now, there will be three names that stand above all others: Michael Jordan, Bill Russell, and LeBron James. King James has already amassed 5 all-star appearances, a league MVP, a scoring title, and 3 All-NBA first-team spots. Now for that elusive ring.
2)    Dwyane Wade—Marquette to the Heat (5)—The five-time all-star and reigning scoring champ led Miami to the promised land in ’06, and seems to get better with every passing year. His quickness and signature one-two step makes him almost impossible to guard effectively.
3)    Chris Bosh—Georgia Tech to the Raptors (4)—With all the makings of a young Kevin Garnett (except maybe the defense), CB4 has materialized into the face of the franchise. The 4-time all-star has averaged a double-double for much of his career, and is currently on pace to obliterate his career bests averaging 28 points and 12 rebounds a game thus far in ’09.
4)    Carmelo Anthony—Syracuse to the Nuggets (3)—The third youngest player to ever reach 2,000 points (after Kobe and LeBron), Melo has led his Nuggets to the playoffs every year since joining the NBA.
5)    Josh Howard—Wake Forest to the Mavericks (29)—J-Ho has averaged over 18 points a game the last three seasons, becoming Mark Cuban’s most valuable assets.
6)    Mo Williams—Alabama to the Jazz (now on the Cavaliers) (47)—Mo got his first substantial playing opportunity filling in for the injured TJ Ford (fellow 2003 draftee) in Milwaukee. In 2008, he was traded to the Cavs in a six-player deal involving among others Luke Ridnour (also 2003), where he would serve as right-hand man to LeBron (again, 2003). In 2009, he was selected to replace Chris Bosh (you see where I’m going with this) on the All-Star team, one day before he scored a career-high 44 points against the Suns. Having averaged over 17 points per game in each of his last three seasons, Williams is a certifiable stud with a tremendous career ahead of him.
7)    David West—Xavier to the Hornets (18)—The two-time all-star has posted over 20 points and 8 rebounds a game in each of the last two seasons. He is also reportedly a damn good tuba player.
8)    TJ Ford—Texas to the Bucks (8)—Though hampered by injuries for much of his career, the Pacer point guard can score points in bunches and is ever mentioned in a Paul Wall song for being “deadly on them threes.”
9)    Chris Kaman—Central Michigan to the Clippers (6)—Without a doubt one of the ugliest members of the NBA, Kaman has established himself as a dominant center, posting 16 points and 13 boards a game in his breakout 07-08 campaign.
10)    Kendrick Perkins—From Ozen High School to the Grizzlies (traded to Celtics) (27)—The one-time NBA champ keeps getting better, averaging roughly 8 points and 8 rebounds as the starting center for Boston. If only he’d crack a smile once in awhile.

Without a doubt, 1984 will go down as the greatest NBA draft class of all time.  An insane four future hall-of-famers would mount the stage that day roughly a quarter-century ago, smiling for the cameras and embarking upon their new professions for which they would come to forever alter.  And so here is the perfect place to start our ongoing NBA Draft series.  10 draft classes will be broken down, not with the 10 first picks but the 10 best picks of each class.  Rankings will be determined by a combination of both each player's future success in the league and the value that might be garnered from where they were selected.  And so without further ado, the #1 NBA Draft class of all-time, the magical year of 1984.

1. Michael Jordan-UNC to the Chicago Bulls (3) -"And with the third pick of the 1984 NBA Draft, the Chicago Bulls select Michael Jeffery Jordan."  And with those words, the Bulls and for that matter the entire league would never be the same.  In the years to follow, "His Airness" would lead his team to six NBA championships, compile 5 MVPs, and ultimately take his place as the greatest man to ever play the game.  And to think, the Trailblazers passed on him for a 7'1'' center named Sam Bowie.  Whoops.
2. John Stockton-Gonzaga to the Utah Jazz (16) -To think that fifteen teams passed on this guy is downright heresy.  However, when Utah's turn came, they wasted no time in snatching up the Zags senior.  Almost 16,000 assists later and its safe to say that move was the right one.
3. Charles Barkley-Auburn to the Philidadelphia 76ers (obtained for the LA Clippers) (5) - Sir Charles.  The Ground Mound of Rebound.  The Mouth (okay I made that nickname up) wasted no time in becoming one of the league's top rebounders
4. Hakeem Olajuwon-Houston to the Houston Rockets (1) -A member of the Phi Slama Jama University of Houston teams (3 consecutive Final Fours alongside Clyde Drexler), its easy to see how the Rockets went with this Nigerian sensation at #1, however ill-advised passing on Jordan might have turned out to be. Hakeem the Dream eventually led his squad to two NBA championships, earning series MVP honors in each.
5. Kevin Willis- Michigan St to the Atlanta Hawks (11) -In his 23 years in the NBA, the 7 foot center amassed 17, 253 points, 11,901 rebounds, and a ring in '03.
6. Alvin Robertson-Arkansas to the San Antonio Spurs (7) -Robertson won an Olympic gold right off the bat, and from there went of to become one San Antonio's greatest defenders, twice leading the league in steals and serving in 4 all-star games.
7. Sam Perkins-UNC to the Dallas Mavericks (4) -Perkins wasted no time in assuming star status, co-captaining the 1984 US team to a gold medal, and getting named to the 84-85 all-rookie team.  "Big Smooth" ended his career with an impressive 15,324 points.
8. Jerome Kersey- Longwood to the Portland Trail Blazers (46) - Any time you can get over 11,000 career points out of a 46-pick, you've got to count that as a victory.
9. Michael Cage-San Diego State to the Los Angeles Clippers (obtained from the Supersonics) (14) Nicknamed "Windexman" for his ability to clean the glass ie rebound well (admittedly not the best nickname).  In 15 NBA seasons, Cage amassed over 8,000 points and rebounds.
10. Otis Thorpe-Providence to the Kansas City Kings (9) -Thorpe would eventually join Hakeem in bringing the Rockets their first championship.

Notes:
--Olympic legend Carl Lewis was drafted by the Chicago Bulls with the 208th pick though he never actually played a game in the NBA.
--Current Dallas Maverick coach Rick Carlisle was selected with the 70th pick by the Boston Celtics.  He won a championship with them in '86, though he only averaged 2.2 points a game and served in more of a reserve role.

With March Madness just around the corner, here is how the top teams stack up.  Remember, 31 teams got automatic bids by winning their conference championships (or finishing as their conference's regular season champ in the case of the Ivy League).  The other 34 teams relied on securing an at-large bid by the selection committee.  Let the madness commense...

1) Kentucky (1) (SEC)- John Calipari-John Wall, Patrick Patterson, DeMarcus Cousins

2) Kansas (1) (Big 12)-Bill Self-Cole Aldrich, Sherron Collins, Xavier Henry

3) West Virginia (2) (Big East)- Bobby Huggins- Devin Ebanks, Da'Sean Butler

4) Syracuse (1) (Big East)-Jim Boeheim-Wesley Johnson

5) Ohio St (2) (Big Ten)- Thad Matta-Evan Turner

6) Kansas St (2) (Big 12)-Frank Martin-Jacob Pullen

7) Duke (1) (ACC)-Mike Krzyzewski-Kyle Singler, John Scheyer

8) New Mexico (3) (Mountain West)- Darington Hobson, Jonathan Gibson

9) Michigan St (5) (Big Ten)- Tom Izzo- Kalin Lucas, Raymar Morgan

10) Georgetown (3) (Big East)-John Thompson III-Greg Monroe

11) Villanova (2) (Big East)- Jay Wright- Scottie Reynolds

12) Purdue (4) (Big Ten)-Matt Painter-Robbie Hummel

13) Maryland (4) (ACC)-Gary Williams- Greivis Vasquez

14) BYU (7) (Mountain West)- Dave Rose

15) Vanderbilt (4) (SEC)-Kevin Stallings

16) Wisconsin (4) (Big Ten)

17) Tennessee (6) (SEC)- Bruce Pearl-Tyler Smith

18) Pitt (3) (Big East)-Jamie Dixon

19) Marquette (6) (Big East)

20) Louisville (9) (Big East)-Rick Pitino- Edgar Sosa, Samardo Samuels

21) Temple (5) (Atlantic 10)

22) Baylor (3) (Big 12)

23) Butler (5) (Horizon)- Brad Stevens

24) Notre Dame (6) (Big East)-Mike Brey- Luke Harangody

25) Texas A&M (5) (Big 12)-Mark Turgeon- Donald Sloan

26) Xavier (6) (Atlantic 10)- Chris Mack- Jordan Crawford

27) Georgia Tech (10) (ACC)-Paul Hewitt- Derrick Favors

28) Richmond (7)  (Atlantic 10)

29) Northern Iowa (9) (Missouri Valley)

30) Texas (8) (Big 12)-Rick Barnes- Avery Bradley, Damion James, Pittman

31) Cornell (12) (Ivy)

32) Oklahoma St (7) (Big 12)-Travis Ford- James Anderson

33) Missouri (10) (Big 12)-Mike Anderson

34) Florida St (9) (ACC)-Leonard Hamilton

35) Utah State (12) (WAC)

36) Saint Mary's (10) (WAC)

37) Cal (Pac-10)- Mike Montgomery-Jerome Randall (8)

38) Gonzaga (8) (West Coast)-Mark Few

39) Wake Forest (9) (ACC)-Dino Gaudio- Ishmael Smith, Al-Farouq Aminu

40) Clemson (7) (ACC)-Oliver Purnell- Trevor Booker

41) UNLV (8) (Mountain West)

42) UTEP (12) (Conference USA)

43) Minnesota (Big Ten) (11)

44) Florida (SEC)- Billy Donovan (10)

Just Missed:

UAB (Conference USA)

Virginia Tech (ACC)-Seth Greenberg- Malcolm Delaney

Mississippi St (SEC)-Rick Stansbury-Jarvis Varnado

Illinois (Big Ten)- Bruce Weber- D.J. Richardson

Texas Tech (Big 12)

Mississippi (SEC)- Chris Warren

Seton Hall (Big East)

Conference Champs (Will Receive Automatic Bid):

Big East*- West Virginia (2)
ACC*- Duke (1)
Big 12*- Kansas (1)
Big Ten*- Ohio St (2)
SEC*- Kentucky (1)
Pac-10-Washington (11)
Mountain West*- San Diego St (11)
Atlantic 10*- Temple (5)
Southern- Wofford (13)
West Coast- Saint Mary's (10)
Horizon*-Butler (5)
WAC*-New Mexico St 
America East- Vermont (16)
Mid-Eastern- Morgan State (15)
MAAC- Siena (13)
Missouri Valley*- Northern Iowa (9)
Atlantic Sun- East Tennessee St (16)
Southland- Sam Houston State (14)
Big South- Winthrop (play-in)
Patriot- Lehigh (16)
Big West- UC Santa Barbara (15)
NEC- Robert Moris (15)
Ohio Valley- Murray State (13)
Big Sky- Montana (14)
Sun Belt- North Texas (15)
Ivy*- Cornell (12)
Mid-American- Ohio (14)
CAA- Old Dominion (11)
SWAC- Arkansas-Pine Bluff (play-in)
Conference USA- Houston (12)
Summit- Oakland (14)


Final prediction: Kentucky over Ohio State

1. Celtics-Pierce, Garnett, Allen, Rhondo, and Perk with future 6th man of the year Rasheed Wallace waiting on the bench.  If Garnett's knees hold up, this could be the best Celtics team in over a decade.
2. Cavs- LeBron, Shaq, Mo, Varejao, and Parker.  Shaq probably won't have as big an impact as everyone is expecting, but Parker is a huge addition, and it's really only a matter of time before King James gets his title.
3. Lakers-No reason to believe the Lakers won't be there come April.  As long as headcase Ron Artest doesn't rock the boat too much, the combo of Kobe, Gasol, Bynum, and Fisher and Odom is just too good to fail.
4. Magic-Another case of the rich getting richer.  The Turkoglu-Vince Carter swap is sure to give Orlando a bump in the right direction, and Jameer, Rashard, and Bass are good enough that another trip to the finals is certainly not out of the question.
5. Spurs-Jefferson and McDyess joins a squad featuring Duncan, Tony Parker, Mason Jr. and a healthy Manu Ginobli.  Don't be surprised if the Spurs end up overtaking the Lakers in the west.
6. Hawks-Joe Johnson, Mike Bibby, Al Horford, Josh Smith and Jamal Crawford off the bench.  The maturing Hawks are a team on the rise.
7. Wizards-Gilbert, Antawn, Caron, Haywood, and Miller plus possible 6th man of the year and newly acquired Randy Foye means Washington will be a legitimate force in the east.
8. Mavs-If this were 2005, this team would be unstoppable.  Still, with Dirk, Howard, Marion, Kidd, Gooden, and 6th man of the year Jason Terry filling out the roster, big things are still possible in Dallas.
9. Bulls-We all saw what the Bulls can do in last year's epic Celtics series and they should only get better.  Everyone is expecting big things from sophomore Derrick Rose, and now that Salmons has had time to gel with the team, the Bulls have a high ceiling and a great future ahead of them.
10. Nuggets-How well did that Billups-Iverson trade work out for Denver.  With Melo, Kenyon, Nene, and JR Smith rounding it out, the Nuggets could finish as high as 3 in the west.
11. Jazz-Boozer and Deron Williams head up a team with a solid supporting cast of Kirilenko, Okur and Brewer.
12. Raptors-Bosh is a beast, Calderon is now a legit star after last year's breakout, Jack is a force off the bench, and Turkoglu, DeRozan and Bargnani are solid enough for the Raptors to be taken seriously despite the loss of Carter.
13. Blazers-Andre Miller is a nice addition.  Have we all given up on Oden? Will Roy and Miller be able to share?  A great bench should keep Portland near the top of the western conference.
14. Hornets-Chris Paul is a future hall-of-famer and with David West, Okafor, and Stojakovic as his supporting cast, New Orleans could make some waves.
15. Suns-Looks like Nash may never get that elusive championship ring after signing a two-year extension with the underwhelming Suns.  Stoudemire is one of the league's best, but the Suns will still struggle to get into the playoffs.
16. Clippers-The Clippers finally lucked out with the lottery and secured Blake Griffin, who will start on the bench to begin the season.  If Baron Davis can bounce back from last year's horrid effort, a winning season isn't out of the question.
17. Heat-Dwayne Wade is certainly capable of putting the slightly improved team on his back.  Can youngens Mario Chalmers and Michael Beasley be NBA star material?  Will Richardson have the impact Pat Riley is hoping for?  Another high ceiling team, but I'm not as confident as I am with the Bulls.
18. Thunder-Durant is a certified stud, but OC is just too young to make any noise this year.
19. Pistons-It looks like Detroit has officially missed its window, and now they'll be lucky to just earn a playoff spot.  Gordon, Wilcox, and Villanueva are all satisfactory new additions, but the absence of Billups and Sheed will hurt.
20. Grizzlies- Iverson will be coming off the bench in Memphis trying to prove he's still got something left in the tank.  Richardson, Mayo, and Gay are a decent threesome, but look for team cohesiveness to be a major roadblock this season.
21. Warriors-All eyes are on Stephen Curry as the boy wonder enters his rookie season.  Stephen Jackson and Monta Ellis are solid enough, but unless Curry ends up being a stud, Golden State will likely fall short of the playoffs.
22. Pacers-TJ Ford, Rush, Granger, Murphy, and Hibbert.  The real story here is Tyler Hansborough.  Does he have the chops to carry his skills to the NBA?
23. 76ers-Brand, Williams, Igualdala, Thaddeus, Lou Williams.  I've got nothing.
24. Rockets-When Battier is your best player, you know you've got problems.
25. Bobcats- Felton, Bell, Wallace, Diaw, and Chandler. Might Larry Brown get this team together in his second season?
26. Knicks-Duhon, Chandler, Gallinari, Harrington, and Lee. The train wreck continues in New York.
27. Nets-Devin Harris, Courtney Lee, Bobby Simmons, Jianlian, and Lopez. With Russian Mark Cuban in charge, we're all waiting for the New Jersey Nyets to catch on nationally.  (Credit where credit is due Bill Simmons
28. Bucks-Ridnour, Redd, Mbah a Moute, Warrick and Bogut.  I have nothing to say about this team. Moving on...
29. Timberwolves-Al Jefferson, Kevin Love, and a bunch of scrubs.
30. Kings-Just plain awful.

Current Standings