Name: Sidebar

Location: Corner of 15th and Lex

Date visited: February 6th, 2010

Bar number: 19

Price of Guinness: $9 Bud Light pitchers

Rating: 3.5/5

I've passed Sidebar a few times, didn't really think it was much more than another NYU college bar. It's not, but that still doesn't mean it’s not a good time.

After debating the merits of the Hakim Warrick dunk real vs the Wesley Johnson dunk real, I got to meet Brit and Kelsey, two girls who I thought looked suspiciously similar. I never like to tell people things that they must have heard one million times. Like, if you meet a girl and her name is Leila, and you go “oh I love your song” you're just being a basket of cliche.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Glincher didn't like this analogy, so I’m gonna rephrase it.  It's like meeting a girl from South Dakota, and going “Hey, I went to Mt Rushmore in 6th grade.”  Cause yea, no guy has ever told her that before. I'm sure all people from S. Dakota want to burn that monument down because it is all their state is really known for. (Side note: there is a 50% chance that Mt Rushmore is in North Dakota and not South, but mad at google for their superbowl ad so I’m not gonna use it.)

So when I saw too girls that looked 85% similar, I didn't want to be that guy who was like “are you twins” for 2 reasons. 1) I'm sure they get that all the time and 2) What if they weren't twins? Then I'd look like a real jackass. Well, turns out I ended up looking like a jackass anyways.

I asked them in their words “the cliche twin-question” about why they haven't separated from each other and have gone to high school, college, and post-college together. How am I supposed to know? If you were a twin wouldn't you do everything you could to differentiate yourself? I would. I would like move to Kansas or go on a trip around the world. I would do everything I could to show up my twin. I'd prolly die his hair pink while he slept or something.

Anyway, Sidebar is a decent time, but we were more concerned about what our next bar was going to be. We concluded we needed drinks and food and we needed it to be cheap. In Union square there is only one place for that….

Bars left to visit: 181

Name: Crocodile Lounge

Location: 14th Street between 1st and 2nd Ave

Date visited: February 6th, 2010

Bar number: 20

Price of Guinness: $6, although I went for a magic hat #9

Rating: 4.2/5

PIZZA!!!! PIZZA!!! PIZZA!!!!

If you want food in Union Square, but want to save all your money for a “liquid dinner”, have no fear, Crocodile Lounge is here!! I will say this slow so all of you can fully digest what I am about to tell you. Everytime you order a drink, you get a free pizza. Whoa? Didnt read it right? Its ok, I’ll say it again.

Everytime you order a drink, you get a free pizza!

Slower for the drunk kids in the back.

Beer = Free Pizza

For those people who are into visuals ===>>

Granted this place can get a little hipster-y, and the drinks are kinda expensive for the run down dive bar that it is ($5 for domestic pints, $6 for the upscale stuff, Guinness, Stella, Magic Hat etc) but factor in the free pizza, and its not that crazy.

My favorite thing to do is hit the place up for happy hour ($3 dollar yingling pints) and knock back a few pies. I once saw Nick take out 6 pizza’s in an hour. One of the most amazing individual performances I’ve seen in a while.

The pizza from Croc Lounge isn’t up to New York standards, its not up to Domino’s standards, heck it might not be up to cafeteria food standards. But, its still damn good. I’d still eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

The pizza is light on cheese, sauce and heavy on dough. However, there is a trick to eating a Croc Lounge pie. Its called 12 bites. You get 6 slices the size of an iphone, 40% of which is covered in thick crust. My advice, 2 bites a slice. 1,2. 1,2, 1,2. 1,2. 1,2, 1,2. and your done. I can take out a pie in like 35 seconds. In the words of that cat caption site. NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!!!!

After we left Sidebar we wanted some grub, but wanted to get our drink on. We also wanted it to be cheap. The stupidest question I have ever heard in my life is “would you like a free pizza with your drink?” If my answer is ever no, please re-enact the cornfield scene from Casino on me.

As much as I love Croc Lounge, its more of a 5-10 and 2-4 place than it is a 10-2 place. Just sayin'.

Name: The Pony Bar

Location: 10th Ave at the corner of 45th street

Date visited: February 4th, 2010

Bar number: 17

Price of Guinness: This bar did not sell Guinness, and only sold craft microbrews.  They were about 6 dollars each.

Rating: 4/5

Bars left to visit: 183

Name: Bourbon Street Bar

Location: 45th street between 8th and 9th

Date visited: February 4th, 2010

Bar number: 18

Price of Guinness: I dont remember, there were 2 for 1 Brooklyn Lagers though, that got my attention

Rating: 4/5

The Bourbon Bar is located a few blocks from the Pony Bar. I would know, I stumbled them. I remember it being a jovial place, filled with CDMs celebrating the success of our past year. This picture wasn't taken with my phone though and I remember it looking like a normal dark bar, and not the stained glass window painting it looks like in this picture.

Bars left to visit: 182

Name: Bar None

Location: 3rd ave between 12th and 13th

Date visited: January 29th, 2010

Bar number: 16

Price of Guinness: $8; I think.  I was drinking 9 dollar pitchers all night.

Rating: 4.7/5

Before I start this post, I would just like to apologize to all my loyal readers out there, because this is the only post for this weekend. I got really sick on thursday, and was only able to muster up the strength to go out on Friday to hang with Nick and Alex who were in town for a one night only tour.

Going into this adventure, I knew that this would not be easy, and that in order to achieve the goal, I would have to average something like 4 bars a week. The one thing that I didnt count on was how much my health would play a factor in my quest. Normally, I knock out bars no problem on the weekends, but this cold left me feeling like a turkey sandwich after left standing around for 2 days. Anyways, the long and short of it is, I need to get on my game and start knocking out these bars left and right. You the reader demand better, and I need to be better. I promise to step up my game!

Back to Bar None…

Bar None could quite possibly be the worst bar in NYC, seats are ripped, drinks are watered down and the bathroom makes a Texas gas station bathroom look like it was forged from solid gold. Located down the block from NYU, its a heaven for those not quite of legal drinking age. But despite all of these shortcomings, it remains the favorite bar of me and my best friends from Syracuse.

To understand our infatuation with Bar None, one needs to travel back to the summer of '08, when Pat and Wario were living in NYC. After hearing about the college scene that hangs out around Union square, they decided to give Bar None a try. And while I may not have been present for this story, it has long be the stuff of legends. Reports are hazy, but by all accounts, one of my friends may have used some illegal substances in the bathroom and more than one may have thrown up in the toilet. This wonderful bar would go on to become the stuff of legends.

(Side note, my shitty written description of these stories do not do the story, or the bar, justice in any way shape or form)

Fast forward to March 2009, when Nick, Terry, Wario and myself were in town for job interviews and to watch the mighty 'Cuse dominate the Big East tournament. After watching them dismantle Seton Hall, it was announced that Syracuse would be playing our arch nemesis and known STD factory the Uconn Huskies. After scouring to get tickets, it became apparent that even 400 level seats at the Garden for the game were going as high as $250.  After each of us raised our budget threshold to $80, we became aware that it was financially unreasonable for us to attend the game. So on a cold Tuesday night we decided our best course of action was to take our ticket money, turn that into beer, and get “Devil Springs night” drunk at a bar.

As it turns out, we missed seeing the best basketball game in history live. Had we known the game was going to turn out that way, we probably would have forked over the money, but our time at Bar None was equally amazing.

I really can't describe what happened at the bar last night, but it ended with the bouncers buying us drinks, all of us throwing up in the bathroom, and Wario passing out with 4:00 to go in the game and missing the best basketball game of all time (this series of events also led to the greatest fight of all time, which took place in our hotel room and nearly cost us a couple hundred dollars in deposit money, and a lifetime ban from the hotel).

Between that night and Friday, I had frequented Bar None numerous other times and always enjoyed myself, and with Nick and Alex in town for one night only, there was only one logical choice of where we would end up… Bar None.

Despite the sub zero windchill and the lateness of the Fung Wah bus (shocking, I know), we managed to turn the night into a rousing success (I give credit to 6 dollar Red Neck Picnics, a staple of our Bar None experiences). And while this may be the only post in which I fully write about Bar None this year, it clearly will not be the last time I visit there.

Bars left to visit: 184

Sadly this was the only bar I was able to visit this week, but it was a solid start to the quest, without much effort I was able to visit 16 bars in one month putting me exactly on my pace.

As a reminder, you are all welcome to come and drink with me and help me in my quest for 200! Thanks for a great month and I look forward to your feedback.

Name: 3rd and Long

Location: 35th and 3rd (directly across the street from my house)

Date visited: January 23nd, 2010

Bar number: 15

Price of Guinness: $6; I think, I paid 6 for a Blue Moon, but I shoulda got a Magic Hat

Rating: 3.5/5

I like 3rd and Long.  They have decent beer specials (not on Saturday nights when I went though, sad face), they let you bring your own food (they dont have a kitchen) and its right across the street from my house. Jeff and I stopped in after we realized it was the best of the non-douchey bars in Murray Hill that was crowded.

Now, I dont want this blog to become a livejournal or a diary of my dating/girl experiences, but I found a girl at this bar who was a 5 out of 5 on the sugar gumdrop and candy cane scale (You know, for hand holding and snuggling purposes). She seemed to like me, her friend not so much and in fact told me she was gonna punch me in the face after I took one too many shots at the lack of talent possessed by Lady Gaga (or as her friend called her, just GAGA). This girl was really cool, lived in Williamsburg, and was extremely pretty. Normally, I never have the confidence to walk over and just start talking to a girl, but this girl was really cute, yet approachable at the same time. Anyways, we kind of hit it off, but the entire time we were talking I could tell there was something that didn't feel right…

I'm sure this happens to lots of people when you’re out at bars.   You're trying to guess the other persons age without directly asking, so you start using context clues to figure it out.

Like she mentioned how she loved a certain song her freshman year, or danced to it at prom. I was in middle school during all of these songs, so I started to pick up that she might be a little bit older. When I mentioned a song that I liked while in college, she also picked up on it and asked me how old I was… uh oh… busted… I just turned 23, but in my head still believe I'm more like 17.  She was 28. Damn. After that she “conveniently” had to visit her other friend at another bar. Whatever. Atleast her friend didnt punch me in the face.

PS, for being a fireman bar, drinks get kinda pricey on Saturday nights at 3rd and Long.  Still a decent place if you want to grind with the bouncers though, ladies.

Bars left to visit: 185

Name: Fitzgerald’s Pub

Location: 25th and 3rd

Date visited: January 23nd, 2010

Bar number: 14

Price of Guinness: $6 (I think)

Rating: 2.5/5

Typical Irish bar in the Murray Hill/Gramercy area. Nothing flashy, a well-stocked bar, tons of flat screen tvs. This place was ok. It could have been 50x better if the guy to girl ratio wasnt 8:1. Jeff and I finished our drinks, and decided to head to a place with a guy/girl ratio the exact inverse of what we were experiencing at the current bar.

On our way to the next bar, I ran into my good friend Jason from work. He told me he's moving into the city in a couple of weeks, so that was an added positive.

I just added that because there really isn't much to say about another generic Irish bar. I think I'm gonna start letting people do guest posts when I having nothing to say about these generic Irish bars, or I'm gonna not write anything about the bar and just describe what my bar will look like when I open it in 5 years after I win the lottery.

Bars Left to Visit: 186

Name: The Black Sheep

Location: 38th and 3rd

Date visited: January 22nd, 2010

Bar number: 13

Price of Guinness: $5 (Happy hour)

Rating: 2/5

I went here after work for a happy hour drink on my way home on Friday. It was kind of a morbidly depressing establishment. They had decent happy hour specials ($3.50-5 pints) but what made this place so weird is that everyone there was probably over the age of 60, unemployed, suffering from emphysema, and pounding out Bud Diesel from the bottle. Now I love Bud Diesel as much as the next guy, but to be drinking it when there are better beers that are cheaper during happy hour absolutely boggled my mind. I think I became 23% more likely to live in a trailer from visiting this place. I was astounded that this place was located in Murray Hill and not next to a mechanic in Somerville.

But this place did have some pros. Mainly a fancy door. And a bartender with a thick Irish brogue. I don't know how many Irish people actually live in NYC, but my guess is that something like 84% of these people are bartenders. (Did you know that 77% of all statistics are made up on the spot?)  Either that or bartenders are faking Irish accents to get better tips.

This guy was clearly from the old school of bartending. Dispensing sagely advice, commiserating with patrons about why work sucked that week, and constantly glancing at the clock to see when he could leave. He may have been like 5′4", 125 pounds and 65 years old, but this hardcore Irish guy could clearly have kicked my ass back to Dublin. After I drained my Stella, I ran the hell outta there before someone could figure out I had a college education and wanted to beat my ass for it.

Bars left to visit: 187

Name: Off the Wagon

Location: 109 Macdougal St (near Bleeker)

Date visited: January 16th, 2010

Bar number: 10

Price of Guinness: $6

Rating: 2/5

Like The Stumble Inn, Off the Wagon is owned by the Greatest Bar Company, and is set up in a similar, “aw shucks we're not a fancy club, but cheap dive bar style”. The thing is, only the Stumble Inn manages to pull it off successfully. Off the Wagon is in a true sense a “college bar”. It is located steps from NYU and is teaming with the college crowd. Except this college crowd is douche-y. There are the true hipsters and the hipsters who are only hipsters because its trendy and want to be “cool”. This second group are the ones that inhabit Off the Wagon. Coupled with its lackluster specials, shitty music (see: Fall Out Boy) and over-crowding, this isn't a bar I would be willing come back to.

I had plans to meet my friends Wario and Alex here, but within 15 minutes of arriving it was clear that this place was a BAG (Beer and Go). Wario, being the expert of the St. Marks scene, decided that we should head over in that direction for the remainder of the night.

Bars left to Visit: 190

Name: Professor Thom’s

Location: 2nd and 13th

Date visited: January 16th, 2010

Bar number: 12

Price of Guinness: $7

Rating: 3/5

The last time I was at Professor Thom’s was Game 1 of the World Series to get my “Book of Basketball” signed by my one-time hero, Bill Simmons. I'm pretty much over Simmons now and to steal his own phrase, he has “jumped the shark”. I'm sick of his NBA talk, doubting the Patriots, crappy podcasts and everything else. He should stick to running diaries, football columns (increasingly wrong about the NFL I should add) and mailbags. I like the mailbags.

Anyways, the last time I was at Thom’s was to see Simmons. I had heard that it was a Boston bar, but part of me thinks that it is really not a true Boston bar, its a “we’ll host whatever teams can make us the most money” bar. Its a Boston/Michigan/Syracuse (what? yea i know right) bar, with a crazy concoction of weird sports paraphenilia on the walls, and a Tiger woods version of golden tee (insert sex joke here).

I don't mind Professor Thom's but it just seems to try a little too hard. Pump the breaks a little bit.

Two quick highlights from my trip there:

1) Seeing a freshman at Maritime in full uniform and having him mistake me and Matt for seniors who were gonna force him to buy us drinks (as is the maritime tradition) and...

2) Their plate of silver plattered nachos. Every time I go in there it seems someone is chowing down on a silver platter of these glorious nachos the size of a manhole cover. I'm a big bar food guy, so if I ever get dragged back there for a Sox game (I prefer to be at the Monk) I'm gonna nom on some nachos.

Bars left to visit: 188

Name: The Stumble Inn

Location: 2nd and 76th Street

Date visited: January 16th, 2010

Bar number: 9

Price of Guinness: $6

Rating: 4/5

I like the Stumble Inn. In fact, I had my birthday party there. None of you would know that 'cause you didn't show up, but whatever. The 'greatest bar company' has a bunch of similar bars around the city, but Stumble Inn is my favorite. It has a certain “chucky-ness” to it. Cheap, good food and solid drink specials. I was in an especially happy mood on this day, because my beloved Orangemen had just eaked out a victory over incest-loving West Virginia, and I was sharing this good time with some friends from school--Wario, Alex, Brown-Hair Ashley, and Tracy. We had a good time eating, drinking, watching UNC hurt our RPI and Reggie Bush go Wild Card on the Cardinals. I'm not sure, but I think I got pretty drunk here, because when I got home I passed out from 5:30-11. I woke up and headed over to another “greatest bar” but lets just say it turned out to be anything but that…

Bars left to visit: 191

Name: Bull McCabes

Location: 29 St Marks Place (Near 2nd)

Date visited: January 16th, 2010

Bar number: 11

Price of Guinness: $6 or $7, I cant remember.

Rating: 2.5/5

I have nothing against Bull McCabe’s. Its a decent Irish Bar, in a city filled with millions of decent Irish Bars.  I guess the thing that differentiates them is having a name that sounds like it could be an MMA fighter. This place was really dark, kinda dingy, and not as Pubb-y as some other Irish bars are around the city. More bar then pub (you know that fancy, generic Irish pub that pops up every 3 blocks with the Gaelic lettering). This place could have been your grandfather's basement if he only used candles for lighting and charged $7 for Guinness instead of taking Miller High Lifes out of his fridge that predates the war. And for some reason it also had a clientele that for some reason was 7-10 years older than Wario and myself. Whatever. On to Professor Thoms…

Bars left to visit: 189